The Office Zombie Survival Plan

the office zombie survival plan

As another season of The Walking Dead kicks off and Halloween draws closer, it’s not uncommon to start to wonder, what happens if the zombie apocalypse arrives any time between 9-5, Monday to Friday? And while your boss is hardly about to line up your colleagues Negan-style and threaten to beat them with a baseball bat (we hope) you should have an office contingency in place should the living dead check in at reception.

Luckily we here at Company Away Days have long thought of all the zombie fighting possibilities and have come up with three scenarios for office survival.

Scenario 1 – No Way Out

It’s lunchtime and as you go to leave the office you notice a mass panic in the streets below. The zombies have arrived. It’s time to lock this positive working environment down. Fast.

You’ll need…

  • Desks
  • Office chairs
  • Staple guns
  • A well-stocked fridge

The plan…

  • Using your desks, you’ll need to barricade all windows that the undead could break through. At this point of the outbreak there’s no knowing whether the variant of ghoul you’re facing is more Night of the Living Dead or 28 Days so it’s better to be safe than infected.
  • Assume reception is compromised. Lock the office door, then barricade yourselves in with office chairs. If you’re wondering what this should look like, then think back to Les Miserable.
  • Food is important. Stay replenished until rescue arrives by eating whatever’s left in the company fridge. Start with crisps, sandwiches etc. Try to leave the mouldy breadstuffs for as long as possible.
  • Should your defences break down, fight back the zombie hordes using keyboards and staple guns to the head.

Be Perpared…

zombie event

Scenario 2 – Containment

The boss has had a flu for some weeks. Except today he’s been quieter in his office than usual… Less coughing… Less asking for sympathy… Less Lemsips being prepared in the staff kitchen… You go in and check on him and find that he’s converted to a zombie.

You’ll need…

  • The boss’ office
  • Desks & chairs
  • Masking tape
  • Cardboard boxes

The plan…

  • Using any cardboard boxes found in the office, you need to create “armour”. This will stop your skin from being bitten later when securing your sick superior.
  • Once your arms, legs and neck are covered, it’s time to enter the office. Using masking tape, restrain your boss and secure him to his desk chair.
  • Exit the office, check for bites. If none are found, proceed to barricade the office door using spare desks and chairs.
  • Wait for a cure to be discovered and hope that they deliver it soon… On the plus side, there’s nobody to stop you from playing Candy Crush all day.

Scenario 3 – Escape

The hordes are amassing at your door and it’s only a matter of time before the office is swarming with zombies, and not the kind who stayed up late partying (on a school night?!?). It’s time to make your way to your local pub, have a nice pint and wait for this all to blow over.

You’ll need…

  • Office chairs
  • Keyboards & PC monitors
  • Cardboard boxes
  • Staple guns
  • Fast runners

The plan…

  • Once again, you’ll need to create armour out of any spare cardboard boxes. This time a full-body suit, including legs, arms, torso and head coverage.
  • Find your fastest runners and pair up with the slower members of staff. The faster colleagues will then push their inferior office athletes on chairs at high speed to the pub, while those sat on the chairs will use keyboards and PC monitors as a pseudo “sword and shield” combination.
  • After fighting your way through the crowds, enter your local and use any spare stools/tables to barricade the doors and windows.
  • Pull yourselves a hard earned after-work pint and wait for help to arrive.